Brazil Breaks Free From Victim Narrative

A few years ago, the author met an old friend and mentor, referred to as Ray, for coffee at a small shop near their home. The author had recently become a director after working as a counselor. The new role involved managing budgets, writing evaluations, and holding people accountable, a shift from a job built on listening and connecting.

The author told Ray about the struggle with the transition. They said they did not know what they were doing and felt like a bother when asking for help. They also mentioned criticism from others who said they were too nice and not strong enough on policy.

Ray listened and then shared an observation. He told the author they were seeing themselves as a victim, as if life was happening to them and they were waiting for it to stop. The author sat in silence, expecting advice, but Ray did not offer any. He gave his truth and trusted the author to find their own way.

Driving home, the author felt upset and thought the comment was unfair. But the word “victim” stayed with them throughout the night. While lying awake, they turned the word over in their mind. They began to see the truth in it. They had been holding onto grievances without expressing them or trying to change things. That behavior had a name, and it was the one Ray had given them.

The author pictured themselves wearing a wooden sign around their neck with the word “Victim” on it. They realized they were choosing to wear it. This image led them to ask a new question: if “victim” was the word they did not want, what word did they want?

The author considered words like hero, victor, and survivor, but none fit. Then the word “steward” came to mind. They looked it up and learned that a steward is the keeper of the house, someone trusted to look after what belongs to a larger story. A steward takes care of what they have been given, including the difficult parts.

The author saw that a victim is defined by what has been done to them, while a steward is defined by what they choose to do with it. This perspective changed how they approached challenges.

Years later, a staff member requested a formal meeting. She told the author that flexibility given to others was making her job harder. She said that when people do not face consequences, those who do the work carry more than their share. The author wanted to defend themselves by explaining their efforts to ease pressure. They recognized that this was the victim talking.

The author chose to respond as a steward. They thanked the staff member for coming to them directly and acknowledged that her feedback would help them hold clearer limits. They committed to protecting the standard for those who do their work with excellence.

The author says the shift from victim to steward is an ongoing process. They still stumble and feel the sign return but find their way back. They used to see difficulty as something happening to them, a sign they did not belong. Now they see that this season of life is asking something of them, not punishing them. They are being called into service.

The author reflects on what it means to stop merely surviving life and start tending to it. They remember that Ray gave them an uncomfortable truth because he knew them well. Gentleness is not always what is needed. Sometimes a person needs someone close enough to point out the sign around their neck. The author no longer carries that sign. When they feel it returning, they remember the word that replaced it: steward, someone who tends to what they have been given, listens, and answers the call.